In conversation this morning with my good friend Finn, we were discussing intimacy, loneliness and how difficult it can be to open a connection with other people. I’ve thought a lot about male loneliness (not that women aren’t lonely too). I know so many men who are lonely even if they’re coupled or married. So many don’t have good friends they can really talk to. They do talk to women, their women sometimes, or others, but the overarching theme is isolation, they don’t feel seen, don’t feel wanted or desired and it’s a real and pressing problem. So what do they do? What they’ve been told their whole lives - don’t feel, don’t express your emotions and it all just gets worse and worse. What is allowed to come out is intensity, anger, stress but the underlying emotions of fear or pain or sadness just curdle. It’s a toxic mess and needs addressing.
When I read this article, I thought “yes, this is it, exactly.” And how can I go about loving men in a way that is a conduit to healing? How can I listen and see them? Who they are as whole people, complicated souls who don’t belong in a box or have a checklist?
This is not everyone’s work but it is mine. And it’s not limited to men, it includes women and others as well. But it’s valuable work in the world.
And the article below was painful and fascinating and I know this marriage well.
True all the way!
Thank you Demi!! Thank you!