After reading @Sloane Black’s interview with Paul @PK Hofferman (Kinky Ink), I had so many thoughts that just restacking alone would not have been quite right.
I particularly loved two things. That the men in garter belts and stockings immediately invoked an immediate visceral response to him early on. Tim Curry from the Rocky Horror Picture Show wearing gender bending clothes was galvanizing for me as well.
Second is that Paul likes to wear satin panties because he likes how they feel. There’s no sissification attached to them. They just feel good on his skin. Let’s say it again: they just feel good.
And can we address that? The feeling good? Observably, women are allowed, encouraged to do things that feel good. Wear clothes that feel good, get massages, hug each other, touch other people, take pleasure in their bodies. Women are permitted to be dialed in to what their bodies want.
Men, not so much. I’ve started asking the men I know what brings them pleasure – not just chasing orgasms, but what they enjoy. There seems to be a huge disconnect. The ones I’ve asked aren’t quite sure how to answer and really, there’s no wrong answer. And what about pleasure in their bodies? Not just located in their groins, but all over. The insides of their wrists? Their thighs? The nape of the neck? Arch of the foot? Do they like to be caressed? That’s why I had such a strong reaction to Paul’s love of the satin panties. It’s so clear that tender flesh and satin are a match made in heaven. Paul is dialed into knowing his own pleasure and owning it. And how wonderful is that for his wife? Amazing!
And we talk about the orgasm gap that exists between men and women – there’s no denying it exists and it’s significant. But there’s also a pleasure gap. I think it exists equally or close to equally between men and women in sex. So many men I know are focused on their performance and what effect they’re having on their partners. On her sensations and not necessarily their own outside of their genitals. There’s a real deficit there and in order to become whole and experience pleasure fully it needed to be addressed.
Pivoting here slightly to what feels good in the body. In 2019, I discovered that my 82 year old father was trans and knew it from the age of 7. He passed for a long time – married twice, once to my mother and now to my stepmother for almost 50 years. In all that time, the other woman, the other part of himself existed. They were very different people and one of the most striking differences to me, when I finally got to meet this very lovely lady, was how much she liked to wear things that felt good. Silk dresses, cashmere sweaters, furs. So many furs! And she liked to be hugged by her friends. She lived much more in her body, the pleasure of it, than my Dad did. He never liked to be touched. She was warm and tactile and open to touch. Obviously, not having to wear a cautious mask in the world allows for greater pleasure in your own existence. She would wear open backed dresses and comment how good it felt when her long hair brushed across her skin. (She wore very long and expensive wigs.) How she would sometimes turn her furs inside out and put them on when she was undressed.
As Paul says “Sensory and erotic arousal” and it can’t be folded into the current definitions of gender and orientation. People, it just feels good.
If I could wave my magic wand, there would be a LOT of things I would do but one of them would definitely be reconnecting all of us to our sensuous and erotic selves without judgment. Reconnecting to the inherent pleasure in our own bodies in whatever form that takes.
In other words, wear the satin panties, you might like them!
Linking both to Sloane Black’s interview with Paul: https://open.substack.com/pub/sloanessexed/p/my-kinkwearing-ladies-underwear-by?r=2mo05b&utm_medium=ios
And to a lengthy but very worthwhile meditation on Jack’s Substack where he talks about male desire and how to be responsible for your own pleasure: https://substack.com/@coyotea/note/p-189211317?r=2mo05b&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
I also have very silky underwear. They feel great. I also like to be touched, kissed, etc in a multitude of erogenous zones that are not my genitals. Lastly, I absolutely love being played with in all erogenous zones, including my genitals where there is no need to orgasm. Just for the pleasure of it. A silky scarf can bring me to bliss.
That article is on my TBR list, but can wholeheartedly second the appreciation of satin.
After years wearing ‘cotton’ underwear because I was ‘supposed’ to, I tried some satin/spandex boxer briefs (Jockey brand) and it changed my life. I originally told myself and my partner it was for exercise, less friction, better wicking, etc.
But that was an excuse. I had always loved seeing my partner in anything satin/shiny.
I am still trying to determine what qualities draw me to it, but I would say it is the ‘glide’. The way the surface can effortlessly pass by the fingertip. It feels right.